A colleague of mine was recently promoted to Senior Team Lead, and I’ve now been told I’ll be reporting to her. For the past two years, she and I have worked on the same level, but our working relationship hasn’t been good. There’s been ongoing tension.
In a recent meeting with her and five other subordinates, I voiced my concern about the shift in team dynamics and the impact this promotion might have—specifically because of our history. I started the conversation before the other team members joined, thinking she would drop the topic and we could continue privately later when others joined. It was awkward with just the two of us, and the tension I was feeling was a very loud, painful, dominating elephant in the room. I figured it was now or never, so I said it! I mentioned that I felt tension between us; and instead of acknowledging it or opening up a conversation, she dismissed it entirely. She acted surprised, as if she was unaware of any issues, which felt disingenuous to me.
When the others joined the meeting, she continued talking to me, but in a way that was also being presented to the other team members. She then shifted the conversation by saying that she hopes no one leaves the organization because of her promotion. She added that if anyone feels they can’t work with or report to her, she wants to know—because she would rather decline the promotion than be the reason someone leaves. Mind you, she’s scheduled to begin this role in three days.
She also brought up personal circumstances, including the fact that she has a mortgage and that she has a lot riding on this promotion. She said now is not the time for instability in the workplace, because she needs to perform and has a lot of eyes on her.
The way this unfolded and was framed—especially in a group setting—felt manipulative. It placed emotional responsibility on us, her subordinates, to support her success, despite any valid concerns we might have. It felt like if we spoke up or expressed discomfort, we’d be blamed for causing her personal and professional hardship. The other team members just stared blankly, with no context of what precipitated this conversation, but they were certainly given a stark warning not to jeopardize this woman’s promotion! What the hell, this is my leader!?
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